18 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week April 8th 2017

Updated Nov. 18 2019, 2:24 p.m. ET

The truth isn't always stranger than fiction, but in these cases, it totally is.

1.  Cash-strapped Brazilian football team use shirt numbers to advertise special offers at the local supermarket 

When you gotta make money, you get creative.

2.  Scotland could leave the UK, and join Canada instead, says author 

How the hell would that work?

3.  Conservatives and liberals united only by interest in dinosaurs, study shows 

I mean they are pretty awesome.

4.  In Thailand, blood sacrifice is out. Strawberry Fanta is in. 

Thank God, blood isn't as refreshing as it sounds.

5.  Sensitive Brian Williams waxes poetic about the beauty of Syrian air strike 

"The bombs bursting in aiiiiir."

6.  Wealthy Residents Complain Their Dialing Code Doesn't Reveal How Rich They Are 

I can't share an area code with plebs!

7.  Tennessee lawmaker tries to sell gun at downtown lemonade stand 

When life gives you lemons...sell guns kids.

8.  Tree believed to have hidden Jews during Holocaust voted Europe's best 

There's a best tree award?

9.  Cannibalism Study Finds People Are Not That Nutritious 

Just when I was getting used to this new diet.

10.  'My fertility app made me too stressed to conceive' 

Try a de-stress app.

11.  New Zealand Post will start delivering KFC to beat mail slump 

Props to New Zealand for keeping up with the times.

12.  Israel postpones vote due to Britney Spears concert 

Who knew the Israelites were so down with Britney?

13.  Why Some Opioid Addicts Overdose on a Diarrhea Drug 

What a sh**y way to go out.

14.  Man In Drunk Lives Matter Shirt Charged With Drunken Driving 

For him, it's a lifestyle.

15.  It movie: Trailer for Stephen King adaptation angers professional clowns 

You figured they'd just laugh it off.

16.  New Zealand PM sparks outrage for putting tinned spaghetti on pizza: 'Impeach him' 

I wish this was the extent of the problems with our nation's leader.

17.  Graffiti dying out as artists switch to social media, say academics 

Tag a different kind of wall.

18.  Oregon Lawmaker Advocates For Removing Ban On Political Duels 

Put up or shut up bro.

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